(The following was sent to me today. Though the author wishes to remain anonymous, I have been given permission to post.)
This is April
I’m sure there are people we all wish we could’ve met; the kind of people whose lives are revisited by others and share their story with explosive delight. They speak of a grand-piano smile that could play on your emotions, the infectious laugh that brought many gasping to catch their breath, the courage to be a stand-out when others would rather stand down.
I have met such a person that fits that description; however, it was a life introduced to me through second-hand exchanges. Hers was a life filled with so much potential, so much animation. At times, those who knew her best could halt mid-sentence and pause just to relive a specific moment. Certainly, a bit elusive for me for there is no such thing as a second-hand memory. The I-wish-you-coulda-met-her reflections give evidence to a champion of many hearts.
It would be futile to go into all the adventures that I have been blessed to vicariously experience; I will save the retelling for a more suitable appointment.
My time for now is to offer my honor and gratitude to this young lady’s Momma. I met Momma briefly in 2016, but didn’t really connect and learn more of her story until mid-2018. During several encounters, I was invited to hear how different chapters of Momma’s life seemed to be attached to one painful occurrence after another.
Suffice it to say, there was plenty of heartache.
Though I couldn’t relate to much of the brokenness Momma had experienced, there was one part that I could—the chapter of her daughter, the aforementioned champion of many hearts. Her beautiful daughter was involved in a fatal accident 6 years ago.
Losing a child is a grief too raw for expression—more so at the beginning stages of the loss. That may not be fact for everyone, but it is a grief I know all too well.
But hearing Momma’s story has shown me some of the good gifts God gives His children—unexpected gifts—especially when His children turn that grief over to Him.
When my little girl went to be with the Lord, I decided to manage the loss like I had managed a lot of loss in my life. The solitary soldier stance I had always postured, however, wasn’t working this time.
I had plenty to keep me busy the months following my daughter’s passing, and for me, that was a good thing. But in the “busy,” plenty of opportunities arose where bringing up my daughter couldn’t be avoided. When meeting people for the first time, casual dialogue would turn into personal exploration: Do you have kids? How many children do you have? One never thinks that such innocent inquires could cause the world to stop.
When conversations were accompanied with unstoppable tears, it was easy to spot an uneasiness on the part of the listener. Life doesn’t offer training sessions to deal with another’s deepest loss. It’s easier to change the subject, it’s easy to pass on the advice: You must get over it, you should be rejoicing that she’s with her Lord. More similar platitudes were sometimes seasoned without the “salt” one would expect from a well-meaning Christian.
So, when this soldier (me) decided to fly the white flag and really give all my sorrow over to God, He decided to teach me about relationship. Relationship with Him first and foremost, but also with others.
Relationships were new to me (solitary soldier, remember?). Dealing with issues in ways I could manage was just how I handled things. I never thought to seek out counseling or spiritual advice, or even discuss hard issues with a friend. I was quite able to take things to the Lord myself. Looking back now, that was a cover up. I just hid the pain and survived. I know my surface looked like I had “it” all together.
In my deepest sorrow though, God caused my world to connect to this Momma. As I allowed relationship to develop and invited her into my story, she revealed to me the glorious victories that came from her tragedies. When she searched out God in the middle of her heartbreak, when she searched out TRUTH, she found real, lasting comfort and peace. Father provided her the saving grace she needed in times of difficulty.
Momma learned that she could trust God in the middle of her pain. And in her pain, I believe God revealed to her a unique purpose: to become a magnet to the bruised and broken.
Enduring a loss can also bring a myriad of other challenging issues. Unexpected for sure, but some came my way that wanted to crush me further.
So God, in His grace, positioned our paths. I probably would still be marching out my life like the soldier I had always been had Father God not intervened.
Momma had shared that relationship with Father God is the true relationship we need in order to have victory in all areas of life. She has shared many insights and wisdom from God’s perspective (too numerous to mention) that have awakened me to cultivate my relationship with Him as I never have before. I am grateful to God for His positioning strategies because He has used this Momma to help me in my journey to healing and growth. Relationship has truly been one of His unexpected gifts to me.
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So, this is April.
No, Momma’s first name isn’t April. April is the reminder, the very month that comes with a certain sting. The month that Momma’s world went dark in 2013. The month her daughter’s life was cut so tragically short.
I know that Momma misses her terribly. And I know the “missing” will always be with her.
Hearing stories about her daughter really brings me joy. Yes, I would’ve loved to have met the character, the generous soul; I would’ve loved to have known the one who brought so much to the table wherever and whenever she sat down to do “life.”
What I think adds to my joy is knowing that my little girl has actually met her. She is not getting the second-hand version I get. Whenever Momma and I meet and laugh and remember our baby girls, I can just see our daughters peering over into our world with a knowing that we don’t know—about how God orchestrates our comings and goings. How God puts people in our lives because He just knows what is best.
Today, I wanted to let Momma know that I am thinking of her. Thanking God for her, and praying that even if today’s sting is a little more like a stab, that she and her family find renewed comfort and fresh laughter as they celebrate the precious memory of the one who brought so much “life” into their lives.